That silent ache

I feel it again today. The familiar ache is back in a big way. I just want to sit down and cry my eyes out. I actually broke down in the parking lot of a store on Saturday and just started sobbing…in front of Sam no less. I couldn’t explain to him why I was crying, but I also couldn’t stop the tears. I felt like an idiot. Usually I can keep my emotions in check and have my weepy days when he’s at work.

Yesterday I put up a couple of Christmas trees and did some more decorating for Christmas. Don’t know why though. As usual, it will just be Sam and I for the holidays; and Sam doesn’t really care about decorations and presents and holiday spirit. Christmas is a time for childhood wonder on Christmas day, baking cookies for Santa, counting presents under the tree, filling stockings with trinkets and treats, and sneaking kisses under the mistletoe when the kids are finally asleep. But he’s had all that already.

Don’t get me wrong, I have so much to be thankful for. But that doesn’t stop the ache that is always with me…………..

One thought on “That silent ache

  1. Niecey

    Hugs and prayers. I know how badly Christmas 2001 hurt me. Because I ached to be a mother, but the world no longer recognized me as one. I imagine you must feel a similar way. I am so sorry.

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