Today I submitted my application to Kennesaw State University. I’m nervous – really nervous. I’ve been checking out their website for over a year now. Waiting, watching, praying, thinking. I’ve himmed and hawed around for 14 months, debating – should I, shouldn’t I – I can do it, no I can’t. I’ve chewed down a few nails in the process too. This is a big decision. And one that could demand a great deal of my time and energy for the next couple of years. It may even mean giving up my beloved Tuesday morning Bible study group. Oh, it’s not a job application if that’s what you’re thinking. It was my application to become a full time student at the University.
Yep, you read it right. My enrollment application. At 33 years old, I want to go back to college as a full time student. See why I’m nervous?! The thought of spending my day surrounded by twenty-two thousand 18-22 year olds, fresh out of high school and full of youthful vim and vigor scares the pants right off of me. But, at 33 years old, I’ve realized that a girl just isn’t going to get ahead in life without some kind of education. My worst fear is that something will happen to Sam – he’ll die, or be disabled, or lose his job, or a dozen other horrible possibilities, and he will no longer be able to bring home the bacon. In that situation, it will be my job to take up the reigns for this family, and on my current earning potential, there won’t be any bacon involved!
I will freely admit, I’ve gotten comfortable in my housefrau lifestyle. It’s Biblical, and I like Biblical. I really do like being a kept woman. You can call me old-fashioned if you like, I don’t mind. I do adore the June Cleaver look! But every day when I wake up at 8:00 a.m. and see the final push of folks rushing off to work I have a slight pang of regret. I think to myself, “I should be one of them. I need to be a productive member of society. I need to be a contributing member of this household…” Plus, I just miss having cash in my pocket all the time!
But it’s tough being in the working world when you’re uneducated. Sure, I’ve got some college under my belt and a whole lotta years of experience in different fields. I’ve been very successful in my previous jobs, but I was never on a career path. Because of my lack of education I was limited in where and what I could do. And frankly, I didn’t want to be a bank teller or new account representative or a retail store manager or a florist or a data entry clerk for the rest of my life. I want something more, something better, something inspiring. I want to do something I love, not just something I’m good at.
Do you know that in all my years of working my fingers to the bone, the most I’ve ever been able to earn is just over $31k a year. How sad is that? No wonder most families have to have multiple incomes just to survive. On that kind of pay, if I were the only provider in our family we wouldn’t even be able to survive for two months where we are right now.
At 18 I entered college wide eyed and fresh faced. I didn’t have a clue about life, about money, about responsibility, about working hard…really about anything. And yet I thought I had it all figured out. I was not a good steward of the time and resources that were available to me and I decided I didn’t need an education in order to be successful. After just three academically pathetic semesters, I left school to pursue my dreams of wealth and power – on my own at minimum wage no less. Wish I’d been smart enough to knuckle under and do what I needed to do all those years ago when I had the chance.
Now, fifteen years later I’m going to enter college for the second time, only this time I’m a little more world-wise and job-weary; and I’m going to get it done and do it right. This time, I don’t care about being the popular one or the life of the party. I’m not looking for a husband or a good time. I’m on a mission. A mission to better myself, so I can in turn better my family.
Pray for me…I may have just lost my marbles!