My last week to eat

I don’t know about y’all, but I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions. Why? Because I’m a realist. I know that I’m probably one of a billion people who doesn’t have the will power to stick with the resolution more than a few hours, days, or weeks. And when I don’t stick to them, I find myself wallowing in self-loathing and disappointment over the broken commitment. So the plan I’m about to embark upon has nothing to do with turning over a new leaf; wiping the slate clean; taking a mulligan – or whatever you want to call it.

This past summer, Sam’s work started a ‘wellness program’. The emphasis was on weight loss, but they also had plans for other areas of well being – such as finances, fitness, family, etc. The premise of the program was a biggest loser competition where the company was split up into four teams, and folks could volunteer to be on a team if they wanted to join in the weight loss fun. Sam’s team won the overall weight loss portion, and Sam himself lost about 40 pounds! That competition officially ended around Labor Day with the intention of people keeping up their weight loss privately. Unfortunately, things just don’t work out so well. Sam and most of the other participants have gained all or most of their weight loss back. It’s very sad and highly discouraging.

Every year, in the spring, the company hosts a huge vacation event called “Club” for the top performers in each division of the company. It’s a super sweet all-expense paid, 4-day luxury vacation at a really posh resort, located somewhere warm and with lots of beaches and pools. Last year it was held at the Grand Fiesta Americana Resort in beautiful Cancun, Mexico, and Sam’s team achieved 125% of their annual budget so we were invited to attend. The event is held in a different tropical location each year – with this year being at the super swank Paradisus Palma Resort in the Dominican Republic. Several of the executives will be invited to attend, so the President of the company wants to host another weight loss competition for just the executives; being he’s one of the many who’s gained all his weight loss back, and he’s not looking forward to strutting around in a bathing suit in his current condition! The competition will be highly competitive, with the trash talk already flowing, and I’m sure there’ll be an under the table betting pool as well! He’s offered several different areas in which cash prizes will be awarded for the winners, such as total weight lost, total BMI reduction, total fitness achieved, etc.

Needless to say, Sam’s competitive nature has kicked into overdrive. All you have to do is wave a few greenbacks in his face and tell him he can’t do something and the next thing you know we’re at the sporting goods store buying new sneakers, protein shakes, treadmills, push-up mats, and a Bow-Flex home gym. Sam absolutely hates the thought of losing out on cash – especially where weight loss is concerned. The competition begins next Monday, January 5th, and runs through Memorial Day weekend. For several hours of our drive home yesterday we were strategizing – planning our meals and our exercise routine. Sam really believes he can lose 40 to 50 pounds before the end of this competition. He is desperate to win it all!

So what do I think? I think my body NEEDS to lose 120 pounds. And I think it’s going to suck. I think he’s going to become the Hitler of food again for the next five months. I think I’m going to start obsessing about what goes in my mouth and how I can sneak food without the scales knowing. I think our grocery budget is going to be completely blown each week because health food is wicked expensive. I think he’ll sit at the dining room table with his two cups of lettuce and tiny baked potato and say to me, “You don’t have to do this with me. I’m not going to force you. But I’ve got to win.” And he really means it. But the kicker for me is, I don’t want to have to prepare two totally different meals, and I feel guilty if I’m not supportive of him. In case you didn’t know this – it’s really quite mean to eat a cheeseburger in front of a carnivore who’s eating a dry salad and plain baked potato. His brain my not want the cheeseburger, but his stomach and his nose aren’t so easily fooled!

So, this is my last week of eating freedom. Beginning next week I’m going to change my name to “Crabbitha”. I hate being hungry, and my brain hates it when I’m hungry. I’m going to have to start watching my blood pressure more regularly as well as my blood sugar. I’m going to have to put my body on an eating schedule and I’m going to have to try and stay away from all the pasta in my pantry. I should probably buy a bottle of multi-vitamins and actually try to remember to take them. And I should probably invest in a paddle lock and alarm for the fridge. Thankfully we’ll have to start working in our yard again in a few weeks, and the garden will go out by the middle of April (at the latest). We’re going to start finishing our basement in February or March, and I’m going to distracted by all that so I won’t have time to think about hunger. And maybe by the end I’ll actually have lost a few pounds and gained some physical fitness.

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